Monday, January 28, 2008

One tree Hill...

I meant to write this post on 28th but ive just checked the time and noticed its 12.00am:date- 29th...wow how time flies by. Anyway yesterday i was a bit selfish with my thoughts, i was watching one tree hill the fourth season and i was just filled with mixed feelings...the song by Gavin Degraw touched me in ways I could not explain!

As I watched the series...a lot of memories flooded back, things that I thought I had forgotten but are back. A person I am struggling to forget came back to me through watching one tree hill. This may sound weird but i saw alot of me and them in there...the only difference is we were doing it wrong while Lucas and Brooke were doing it right. Cliche aint it for me to compare...but if you took a walk in my shoes from 5am January
22nd 2007 to now you would understand.

I am in a room...and my thought is that its only one person who has the key to set me free. I dont know, i may be right i may be wrong. Though what i know is its hard to carry painful memories and sad thoughts, we as human beings need a chance to make a mistake to know what is right for them or not. I need to relinquish and cleanse...ive made alot of progress and I DONT WANT TO BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I AM TRYING TO BE LATELY!

At this time of flooding memories session...i ask my self, who do I want to be and will I be able to live with the person I choose to be?

On a positive note I got some amazing news today...I introduce Dorothy M to my blog today. Well in realistic circumstances (for those who know) were not allowed by society to be friends...I mean the kind of circumstances we became friends always amazes me. I am glad I did...ill share her. Shes an amazing person, Kind hearted and the most considerate being ive met, very hardworking an a go getter...someone once told me im the lazy version of Dorothy! haa haa very funny. Anyway she got a job today in the most miraculous way ever...from her I realised The God I serve is a mighty one...and I wish her the best of luck!

Well im about to sleep right now...but one thing that I know I do not regret offering peace and a white dove to you...I do not regret not wanting to hope...but I do regret that the peace dove was not accepted, because as humans...we make rash decisions not knowing that our futiure is a second ahead of the moment and that second may change your life forever. I'll strive to make peace and not war because I fight for something that I believe in and it doesnt matter if its right or wrong...and i don't regret being me...

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Gavin DeGraw...You sang this for me...

I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been tryin to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I've peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
am I the only one who's noticed
I can't be the only one who's learned
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I've peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

Can I have everyone's attention please
if you're not like this and that
You're gonna have to leave

I came from the mountains
the crust of creation
My whole situation made from clay dust stone
and now I'm telling everybody

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I've peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

My sentiments today...

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Is she Angie or Cleopatra...

A lot of Kenyans have died in the past few weeks due to post election violence...well today the two presidential candidates met for some 'mediation' of some sort...under the guide of Koffi anan- the Nobel price winner. After a whole afternoons meeting they come out smiles and both of them tell the nation-through the media that they are now thinking of working together for a solution! SERIOUSLY the election violence started on the 29th of December...did it take this two people all these days, all the lives lost and all the people displaced to `know that today was the day? i mean were all the lives lost for no reason...is politics really a game that only the players understand? or does it boil down to power and its corrupting nature? anyway i guess we just have to wait and see the movie unfolding...

A thought occurred to me...is it possible to know people and their true personalities? take for example you meet someone, lets call him John Doe in the streets today and you look at them well the first impression you will get is based on their clothing(he is wearing a black suit)...then you get to know them for lets say 10 years you separate and you come meet up after 10 years...and one day your walking down the street and you meet a friend and you realize that John Doe is a common friend...you sit down for coffee and the first thing your friend tells you..."JOHN DOE IS SUCH A BASTARD AND A LIAR" and you look at them with awe and clarify if this is the same John Doe you know...he is the one...but the John Doe you know is the most "HUMBLE PLEASANT TRUTHFUL" person you have met.

So in a bid to protect your friend John Doe you ask your other friend to share as to what made him/her come to that conclusion of his persona...and they unravel the worst image you've ever been painted of a person you know...to make matters worse...she has someone who can collaborate the story! when you think about it you wonder is that the same person you knew...and thats why I ask DO YOU KNOW PEOPLE ONLY TO THE EXTENT THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THEM? why is it that different people have different notions of the same person... is it that you decide to show this side of you to others and not to others? or is it some level of multiple personality? well i agree people only let you know them to the extent they want you to know them, and I could vouch for that. And what I know is its the riskiest thing in life to actually affirm that you do know someone...because you never.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Friend to Foe...

Well from my earlier post... i sounded enthusiastic, well im more of disappointed now. Today i learned that it takes a second to unleash the worst beast from a human being...there is a very thin line between sanity and insanity...we human beings have an ability of being the worst, it takes a second to be that. Im yet to understand the complicated nature of a human being...what makes a person you so much trusted and loved and believed to have the same feeling reciprocated to you...turn out to be the person you loathe and despise most? I once heard that it could take you ages to build a reputation with someone but a single second to ruin it all.

Take a good example of what happened in Rwanda...Kenya now...neighbors who have lived together for ages, seen their children grow...within a split of a second...lash put at each others with pangas... food for thought!

On a brighter note there seems to be a bit of calm today, no much chaos actually i'm just watching from the news that most shops in the central business district have reopened. We still have a lot of displaced people though...the question still being asked....what is Kenya coming too...

The millionaire in the making had a talk with her self today again, i realized i have a lot of shedding to do. Embrace my new found hope...which is not willing to carry my past pains burdens. Why is it that when you already have a plan B plan A seems fruitful, and you want to go back...but back is a destination im never going too. I am long gone into a new chapter one that i am brave and able to face the challenges ive had. Im giving my heart a rest...Head...its your turn to run the show!

A new baby is born to me...

Babies are a sign of hope...for me today i give birth to my blog...i baptize it the RUMINATIONS OF ANGIE.

Im the kind of person who thinks alot...i internalize every situation that happens to me,what i hear...see...experience. Actually the truth is that I got an idea of this blog from my friend Ladi.... oh Ladi, I actually met him in India and had a tremendous crush on him. I love the confidence he oozed but i was young then...very naive. He had a girlfriend then so u can obviously conclude what ended up happening...nothing! Anyway I tried chatting to him today, but he wasn't responding then i noticed a url next to him, i clicked on it and walah! it was his blog.

I was amazed at how expressive he was about everything he saw and encountered...his use of words amazed me. He reminded me of someone i had known all my life...ME! Ive always been expressive with what i feel, im the person who would crucify a simple "hi" to mean a million things! and internalize...i want to share my thoughts, what i feel when i wake up...what i feel when i sleep, talk to my self about me...and thus the reason for this blog.

It symbolizes a new beginning to me in instances that no one could imagine, i feel rejuvenated somewhat...like im writing a book about myself, that one day when i depart from this earth or even while i still rent space in it...someone will read and know the true me...for i am mystery that i think many have wondered, to know what runs in my head...well here's the chance for me and you to know me...